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Episode 39: How to stop “gratitude shaming” yourself with career change coach Lisa Lewis

Welcome to The Career Clarity Show, where we help you find a lucrative, soulful, and joyful career path for you! 

Thousands of people walk around every single day carrying a big, uncomfortable, stressful career secret.

(Are you one of them?)

You could be if you work in a job that looks pretty impressive to other people. Maybe it’s with a brand-name company or in an industry that’s really hot right now or with incredible perks like unlimited vacation or dog Fridays or a beer tap in the kitchen. 

Other people always seem to tell you that they wish they had your job. And you *know* your career seems great on the outside. 

But here’s the whopper secret: it just doesn’t feel as good on the inside.

You don’t like that you aren’t in love with your job. 

(You wish you were!)

But the truth is…you’re not. 

In your frustration, you might ask yourself: “Why can’t I just appreciate what I have?”Who am I to want more than this?” “Do I really think the grass is greener on the other side?” “Am I never going to be happy at work?” “Am I just running away?” Or: “What’s wrong with me?

(Especially when you’re looking at an economic and public health crisis, with unemployment growing by the millions every day. It’s easy to tell yourself that your discontent is wrong.) 

I’m here to tell you: nothing is wrong with you. 

Your feelings are right

But it’s hard to see that when you wish you could just be content instead.

We’re socially taught to “suck it up, buttercup” and appreciate what you DO have. Your desire for something more or different is inconvenient for people around you so they teach you to “gratitude shame” yourself out of wanting more. 

What is gratitude shaming? It’s when you get angry at yourself because you can’t just appreciate what you currently have enough to make those unhappy, frustrated, ambitious feelings go away. 

It’s when you beat yourself up and tell yourself that you don’t deserve anything better because you don’t fully appreciate what you already have. (It’s like when you had a studio apartment but really wanted a one bedroom, but knew not everyone can even afford a studio.) 

Gratitude shaming keeps smart people stuck in stupid situations because you’re taught not to trust your feelings. It’s a stealthy thinking trap: gratitude shaming minimizes your desire for more challenge, appreciation, and impact and tries to tell you that you don’t actually crave what you crave.

Let’s face it: you wouldn’t be  listening to The Career Clarity Show podcast if you didn’t have this insatiable hunger to do something different, to get out of that trap. Your behavior and your feelings are your truth. You’ve decided you aren’t meant to settle and you want work to feel better. You aren’t meant to become one of those people who are totally dead in the eyes, for whom every day at work is “same shit, different day,” — or worse: “fine.”

But, while there’s a part of you that totally believes me, there’s another part of you that is resisting so hard. You’ve told yourself that you’ve already got it pretty good, and, if you can’t just be grateful for how things are now, what makes you think you deserve a job that’s better? (This is particularly true for people who only have one of the 4 Pillars of Career Fulfillment out of alignment.) Feelings be damned, your brain begs you to be happy where you are and with what you have, at the cost of your happiness, opportunities to advance, or clear dissatisfaction in your existing situation. It just wants you to be safe.

Here’s the bigger problem: when you weaponize false gratitude against your true feelings, it sends your brain the message that your ambition, hunger for growth, and desire to contribute on a bigger scale aren’t valid. That you can’t trust your feelings. That, despite your emotional reaction, you should be perfectly happy, satisfied, and uninterested in anything else. It actually teaches you to doubt and mistrust yourself!

What a weird line of logic, right? Let’s apply this thinking trap to a different arena: you’re eating a handful of almonds for breakfast because, on paper, it’s a great nutritional decision. All those Omega-3s and the plant-based protein! Except…you start to notice that your stomach is upset after eating them in the morning. Nobody in their right mind would say, “You’re not appreciating the nutritional value of those almonds enough! Keep eating them until you’re grateful for all the vitamins and healthy fats they’re giving you!” Anybody who is truly concerned about your well-being would say, “Uh, maybe you have a food allergy? You should stop eating almonds in the morning and find another way to get the nutrients you need.”  

You can absolutely crave something fundamentally different, even if your current situation is pretty good on paper. And, you can be grateful for what you have and still leave. Life is short, man!  

You deserve to be happy at work! 

You deserve to enjoy daily life more. And you deserve to give yourself permission to take action to find a more enjoyable, energizing, life-giving line of work.  

Remember: how we live our days is how we live our lives. We spend more waking hours at work than we spend doing ANYTHING else between the ages of 21 and 65(ish). If you’re giving that many hours of your brain, heart, and energy to anything, of course you deserve to feel fulfilled by it!

Want to learn more about our strategic framework for successful career change? Download The Roadmap to Career Fulfillment ebook right here!

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About the Author Lisa Lewis

Lisa is a career change coach helping individuals feeling stuck to find work that fits. She helps people clarify who they are, what they want most, and what a great job for them looks like so they can make their transition as easily as possible. Lisa completed coaching training in Jenny Blake’s Pivot Method, Danielle LaPorte’s Fire Starter Sessions, Kate Swoboda's Courageous Living Coaching Certification, and the World Coaches Institute. In addition to that, she apprenticed with the top career coaches in the country so she can do the best possible work with — and for — you. She's helped more than 500 individuals move into more fulfilling, yummy careers and would be honored to get to serve you next!

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